Built Storm Tough
As we say goodbye to the month of February, we must also say farewell to our most recent crop of Winter snow storms, Canada’s only natural resource that is in no fear of ever being exported. Yes, unlike Westeros, where Winter never seems to come, ours never wants to leave, forcing Canadians throughout the country to make a fire, bundle up in Long John’s and start complaining. But hey, I guess you can’t be called the Great White North for nothing.
When it rains, it pours. When it snows, it severely inconveniences your life for the days to come. Nothing says Winter like throwing out your back shoveling at 600AM, just so that you can drift your way to Tim’s for a medium double-double. Sure, we have snow blowers, but unless that thing is a Honda you can be damn sure that it’ll stall on you at least a handful of times. Once you actually clear the snow from your car, you then have pray to the Michelin man that it’ll actually start up without a boost. From there, though, you’re home free. The only good thing that comes from all this snow is that when your power inevitably goes out, you have a freezer waiting for you in your back yard.
In central Canada, things are pretty scary. Sidewalks, roads and lanes disappear, drains overflow, and it’s gotten so bad that it’s rumoured Prime Minister Trudeau was forced to reinstate the country’s Tauntaun initiative, despite strong arguments from the Conservative Party. But if you think things seem bad in Ontario, then you may not want to be in the Maritimes. Ice storms hit the East so hard that most of New Brunswick was without power for days, requiring reinforcements from as far as Quebec. The Acadian Peninsula was in a blackout for so long that they were forced to abandon civilization altogether, and are now living off the grid as Wildlings until the Spring comes. The federal government was hopeful that this storm would finally give them the chance to write off NB altogether, but their stubborn, Maritime strength pulled them through.
But not everything is bad. In fact, Canada’s economy rather depends on the Winter. We support our strong, Summer construction force by obliterating our roads in the Winter. Because Canadians enjoy getting through the snow so much, we take their money to launch them down snow-covered hills on some thin wooden boards and call it skiing. We pour a little syrup on some snow and convince people it’s a delicacy. And don’t forget about our national pastime. Sure, we could use a rink, but what’s the fun in playing some hockey without the risk of falling through the ice or chasing a puck down a pond. Face it Canada, we need Winter like a student needs a loan: we’ve talked ourselves into it at this point, so there’s no turning back now.
Despite the brutality and hardship that is known as a Canadian Winter, most of the world doesn’t know one simple thing: we’re built storm tough. Americans have merely adapted to the snow, we were born in it. Like a Phoenix, we rise up out of a blizzard, living to fight another day. We build tunnels through the snow not as a game, but just to get to our cars. We don’t need to build a wall because we already have one, it’s just made of snow. Snow storms aren’t a nuisance, they’re a Canadian privilege. The maple that runs through your blood is the same as mine, and together, with our shovels, we will push forward to Spring.